Addictive Heartbreak

I think I have an addictive personality. I believe in love and want my happy ending. I also believe in trying everything to make it work until there is nothing left, but heartbreak.

A long time ago, I had a boyfriend who I had been seeing for a number of years. We were together for 2 years before he decided he didn’t want to get serious and we broke up. After this, we kept getting back together for sex and I decided I needed get away from him and start my own life, so I moved to another city. The day before I left, he was showing me engagement rings. For 2 years after I moved, every time he came to my town we got together, regardless of whether he had a girlfriend of not. This was not a healthy relationship but we kept gravitating towards each other. Eventually, when we were both single, we got together again as a couple.

It was about a year after this that my boyfriend moved overseas for a work opportunity. He was only gone for a year and we decided to stay together because we loved each other. We kept our relationship alive through skype, text sex, phone sex and emails. It worked for the whole year, we did really well. At least I thought so.

Towards the end of his employment term, we organised to meet in the United States and go on a cruise to Alaska. That way, we could tick off one of my bucket list destinations and could have some time alone before he came back home. Our plans were to buy a house together and think about our future as a couple. You could excuse me for thinking we were on the same page in our relationship.

Things came unstuck when he casually mentioned that he didn’t think his new girlfriend liked the idea of me going on a cruise with him and sleeping in the same cabin. EXCUSE ME?? What the fuck???? New girlfriend? I thought I was his girlfriend? Wasn’t he talking about buying a house with me? Having a future with me? When did he suddenly get a new girlfriend?

It become clear to me during this heartbreaking time that I was addicted to him and vice versa. We couldn’t do without each other, but we couldn’t be together. I tried, but I couldn’t handle this last betrayal. It was at this moment that I broke all ties with him. I changed my phone number, my email address and broke contact with his family. I was heartbroken. I had invested years of my life to this person.

This is why I say I have an addictive personality. He was like a drug and I had to go cold turkey.

It has been years now and every so often I come across him (ok, so I stalk him on social media). I am happy to say that I have moved on in life and he appears to have the same life as he did all those years ago. I just know he would take me back in an instant.

That is my small revenge. I still believe in love, just not with him.

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